“The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So, he divided his property between them. Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living” (Luke 15:12-13, NIV).
Why do you believe in a myth? This was the question my eighteen-year-old son asked of me. From his birth, this young man was raised in a Christian home. He grew up in the church. Now, not only had he abandoned the faith of Jesus, but he was also rejecting its validity outright.
This reality is being played out within many extended families today. Children who were nurtured in the Christian faith have little to no affiliation with the church as adult. This group collectively has become known as the Nones.
Why do you believe in a myth? This was the question my eighteen-year-old son asked of me. From his birth, this young man was raised in a Christian home. He grew up in the church. Now, not only had he abandoned the faith of Jesus, but he was also rejecting its validity outright.
This reality is being played out within many extended families today. Children who were nurtured in the Christian faith have little to no affiliation with the church as adult. This group collectively has become known as the Nones.
Some Nones continue to hold fast to their childhood beliefs, yet do not actively practice their convictions. Other Nones, like my son, have spurned Christianity altogether. Meanwhile, their parents are deeply grieved and left to wonder what they may have done wrong.
If you are the parent of a None, be encouraged. God understands your pain. At the heart of the Prodigal Son’s story is a father whose heart is broken by the abrupt departure of his youngest child. Yet rather than give in to shame and despair, the father’s actions offer guidance to all parents who find themselves in a similar position.
First, you are not to blame. There exist today strong cultural forces that are leading young adults to turn away from the life of faith. The voices to which our youngest generations are being exposed are loud and convincing. What they choose to believe is beyond our control.
Second, any effort you take to reverse your child’s lifestyle choices will likely do more harm than good. Your kids know what you condone and condemn. They do not need reminding of what you believe. Remember that pressure more often pushes people away rather than draw them in.
Note that the prodigal son’s father never took to arguing when the young man left home. But what the father did do was to hold out a welcome sign. The message the father gave to his child was this:
Don’t think that by leaving the faith you are getting rid of me. I loved you
before you believed anything, and I love you now. I am here for you regardless.
Friends, this is the brand of love that Jesus shows us. Unconditional.
Jesus never permitted other people’s beliefs to become a barrier between himself others. He likely did not approve of the choices they often made. But he liked them. And they knew it.
Like the father in the Prodigal Son’s story, you may not have control over the choices your adult children make. But you can control your side of the relationship. You can live your life in such a way that they will never doubt you believe what you raised them to believe. Show them what it looks like, and sounds like to follow Jesus.
And pray. Pray for God to open the eyes of your heart to see your child the way He sees them. Pray that God will help you also to respond to them as He would respond to them.
Finally, never lose hope. Keep the light of love on and the welcome mat out. Because those who become lost, God ultimately will find.
If you are the parent of a None, be encouraged. God understands your pain. At the heart of the Prodigal Son’s story is a father whose heart is broken by the abrupt departure of his youngest child. Yet rather than give in to shame and despair, the father’s actions offer guidance to all parents who find themselves in a similar position.
First, you are not to blame. There exist today strong cultural forces that are leading young adults to turn away from the life of faith. The voices to which our youngest generations are being exposed are loud and convincing. What they choose to believe is beyond our control.
Second, any effort you take to reverse your child’s lifestyle choices will likely do more harm than good. Your kids know what you condone and condemn. They do not need reminding of what you believe. Remember that pressure more often pushes people away rather than draw them in.
Note that the prodigal son’s father never took to arguing when the young man left home. But what the father did do was to hold out a welcome sign. The message the father gave to his child was this:
Don’t think that by leaving the faith you are getting rid of me. I loved you
before you believed anything, and I love you now. I am here for you regardless.
Friends, this is the brand of love that Jesus shows us. Unconditional.
Jesus never permitted other people’s beliefs to become a barrier between himself others. He likely did not approve of the choices they often made. But he liked them. And they knew it.
Like the father in the Prodigal Son’s story, you may not have control over the choices your adult children make. But you can control your side of the relationship. You can live your life in such a way that they will never doubt you believe what you raised them to believe. Show them what it looks like, and sounds like to follow Jesus.
And pray. Pray for God to open the eyes of your heart to see your child the way He sees them. Pray that God will help you also to respond to them as He would respond to them.
Finally, never lose hope. Keep the light of love on and the welcome mat out. Because those who become lost, God ultimately will find.