“Discipline your children, and they will give you rest; they will give delight to your heart” (Proverbs 29:17, NRSV).

     I recall the moment I drove away from the hospital following the birth of my first child. I was terrified. Resting comfortably in the car seat behind me was a little person for whom I was entirely responsible. Questions raced through my mind such as, “Do I have what it takes to be a good role model? Will I be capable of equipping my son for the future?” But the question that frightened me most was this: “Will my child grow up to hate me?”

     This notion of fearing one’s child may sound strange to some. But it is common for parents to be fearful of sparking anger in their kids. The apprehension is understandable. What parent doesn’t want to be loved by their children?

     And yet, I have observed that the parents who raise well-adjusted, ethically guided children avoid the critical mistake of fearing their kids. These parents are not afraid of being rejected by their own progeny. Nor are they anxious about disciplining their daughters and sons. These parents accept the fact that their child may resent them from time to time. The actress Bette Davis once said that “If you have never been hated by your children you haven’t been a parent.”

     The truth is that the primary goal of Christian parenting is not about making friends with your kids, as much as shaping their character into the image of Jesus. Proverbs 29:17 encourages every parent to “Discipline your children, and they will give you rest; they will give delight to your heart” (Proverbs 29:17, NRSV). Guiding your child in the right direction may meet with her displeasure in the short term. But over the long haul, both of you will be pleased that the adults in the room put their foot down.